Today is My First Poetry Open Mic!
Here's the story of my life up to now, for the most part, of course.
It all started on a bridge.
I have been going through a purging process this year. This has been the result of roughly 7 years.
I left a life of control, manipulation, and abuse. Toxicity that would make Chernobyl resemble Rivendell.
All my life I had been told to go this way. Disregarded, neglected, taken advantage of, but yet expected to perform for everyone's entertainment, there for every beck and call.
This unburdening caused me to cease all contact. With everyone. Everyone.
This was my spirit, my ancestors, and my soul's way of sitting me down. This clarity that I speak with only came from silence.
From this silence arose clarity putting x-ray technology to shame. Conversations, situations, and circumstances projected on the screen of my mind with “This is why…” written in every scene.
Every clip. Every still motion. Every pixel.
Then I realized that none of it was in my control. Nor was anybody expectations, perceptions, and conclusions about me my responsibility to perform around, appease, or even entertain.
Most importantly, none of it was my fault. I was free from shame, guilt, and the prolonging of stress because I had served my time.
This may sound funny but all of us have a contract on ignorance. We all go through a certain period that is crucial to our soul's mission on this Earth.
I came to realize that my contract on that timeline in this life was finished. Never to go back. This was a transition I knew all my life I would have to make but fought against.
Why? Moral dogma. Guilt. Shame tied in with childhood subconscious programming.
This led me to me a period where I had to sit. By myself. And just listen.
Listen to all the thoughts. The battles. The soldiers (thoughts) that served well but knew it was their time to go.
The battlefield became quieter and quieter as I assessed my mental inventory.
Day by day I became more aware, not of where I was going, but of my ability to overcome.
To embody resilience. Despite the confusion. Despite what “makes sense”. Despite how I was taught to view life, regardless of me having my own mind.
This period of my life stripped me of all attachments: food, clothing, gas money, running water, phone service, company, etc.
Only restaurant wifi and my mind. My spirit telling me where to go one step at a time. One day at a time.
My perception of time has become slower and slower.
Even as I write this, I release the belief that telling your story is somehow pleading. Being a burden on someone. Today feels different.
Today feels like a culmination.
I have permanently accepted my timeline of abundance. One that has Divine Provision as it's baseline modus operandi.
This allowance and receptivity came from a lifetime of denying blessings. Thinking that you should constantly give and give. Receiving will come later.
This came from childhood programming passed on by unhealed individuals, ignorant of their perpetuations but good intentions nonetheless.
However, the spirit realm records everything. Every Cause has its Effect; every Effect has its Cause.
Having been manipulated, mistreated, and made to believe I was to be something else other than my soul came to be, my soul delivered itself through me from that timeliness by shutting everything down.
To accept my Divine Abundance, I had to squeeze out all attachments that would lead back down the road from whence I came.
Now I started this with a story of a bridge.
Last Tuesday, I went for a walk.
With this time of sitting down, learning, and becoming more comfortable with myself, my journey forward, and accepting all parts of me, exercise is still important. Energy has to go somewhere.
Walking usually sends me in a trance where I am completely in my subconscious mind. Repetition of step after step satisfies my conscious mind somehow, giving the baby its bottle, if you will.
This day was different. I had sat for multiple days. Reclined the seat back. Slept. Woke up. Typed on my phone. Reading. Revelations. Go back to sleep.
No food. Just water cups and some tea. For days and days.
This day I was pressing through the walk. I love walking but this day, spirit told me to rise and walk.
Multiple times I stopped, not out of breathe, but just exhausted.
The sidewalk ceased so I walked through the high grass. Mind you, this was an overcast day having rained many days before.
My mindset had been of “I am attached to nothing, but connected to everything.” I just kept repeating this affirmation of detachment.
Ridding myself of old programs and just allowing the day and my path to unfold before my eyes.
After wading through the high grass came a bridge, under which ran a creek. This day, the water was rushing like it was late for a very important date.
I stood over the side of the bridge and took another break. Just held my head down, breathing in and out. Soothing myself, trying to rejuvenate and reconnect with myself for the random loop I agreed with Spirit that I would walk.
Someone beeped the horn as they sped past. I guess that thought I was suicidal. I was just taking a break.
And then the heron…
Blue herons are symbols of good fortune, self-determination, but also patience. They represent other concepts that apply to me but we will save those for another time.
Once I turned back from the beeping car, I looked down and the heron, below the bride, flew with graceful poise above the rushing stream beneath. I heard “patience”.
Then another car slows down on the bridge.
A woman steps out and requests the status of my wellbeing, if you will. Just taking a walk, I say.
The conversation gets deeper: me mentioning my Substack, the theme of my my life currently, my past job that Spirit told me to leave, having left behind everything to find and accept myself and my Divine soul purpose.
She asks: “You like chess?” She hops up and sits on the bridge.
I mention the Queen's Gambit show, how I started but I stopped. Kind of like buying books: you buy it, put it down, and when you are ready to read it, you remember it. She activated this, which will be another episode, possibly a series as well.
She then asks: “Have you eaten anything?”
I tell her my situation. Then, she asks what plans I have for the rest of the day. Mind you before this Angel 266 came to me and said relax. Take some time out and reconnect with yourself. Allow abundance into your life. This led to my walk just to clear space. Then I saw the blue heron. Then she came along.
From that day, I've been fed, gas money, adventures beyond my wildest dreams, damn near daily chess games, and more.
For reasons that need no explanation, I will not be divulging her name. However, this period of my life is the burgeoning of abundance.
The “You just do not know what it is in store for you, Noah”, phase of my life.
Contrary to the timeline I have discard, I allow people to help me. I allow opportunities to show themselves. I allow abundance to enter my life in all its forms, material and immaterial.
Free from striving, searching, and wondering how things are working out.
Now how does this align with poetry?
She knows somebody, who hosts this workshop and open mic every week. Synchronicity showed that I had met the owner of the place through work years back, among other countless “right place, right time” confirmations that are TOO MANY TO COUNT.
In our conversations, I threw out that I write poems because she offered a poetry book that she did not like. Honestly, I did not like it either.
One day, we played chess at this very same place that she frequents. She grabbed the guy and told him I am a poet. And the rest was history. I will notify you all tonight or tomorrow of how my first open mic goes!
Now my readers know that this time that I have been posting has been an unburdening and rebuilding process for me.
I've been without everything for months but I have used wifi and trust in the day to press forward.
Any help would be greatly appreciated for this is what I am called to do and more! Even a simple like will do for me. Truly, I appreciate whoever has read what I have written and found interesting and soul-enlivening.
I appreciate all of you who like, comment, restack, and again, even just read what I express.
This is truly the beginning of my life.
Peace ✨️